Manners for Moving Up
(by: Julie Yap Daza)
Why manners?
Along the way as we grow and climb the ladder of success, from high school to college, from graduation to a first job, from single and carefree, to head or heart of the family, we nned friends who add to the pleasure of every social occasion.
But we also run into strangers. Are they nice people? Should we be ncie to them? who should take the first step?
Who needs manners?
Anyone who wants to win friends and be a better friend. Everyone realizes life can be more pleasant and enjoyable if everyone else followed the rules. All of us can be more pleasant and enjoyable if everyone else followed the rules. All of us place a premium on being considerate and thoughtful of others.
You don't need manners if you are:
1. a bum
2. a hermit
3. shipwrecked and all alone on an island
4. a convict on death row
5. an inmate in a mental institution
6. living alone and never coming out of your house
7. being consistent with your lifetime habits of not ever brushing your teeth, taking a bath, and changing clothes
8. a beggar
9. still in your mother's womb
Contents: (click the links)
Use the telephone only when you have to....whether it's your own telephone,your office phone, or someone else's phone, but especially when it's not your phone.
Whether you are calling or being called, keep the conversation short. It is good manners to keep the telephone free for others to use.
When you have dialed a wrong number, say 'Sorry.' It sounds almost as good as 'Hello.'
On the telephone, your voice is you. Do not sound indifferent, irritated, or intimidating. If the call is not for you, offer to take a message.
- Use the pedestrian lane. It is usually marked w/ white stripes.
- When there is ni pedestrian lane, cross from corner to corner.
MOTORISTS MUST RESPECT PEDESTRIANS.
They come to a full stop as soon as a pedestrian puts his/her foot on the pedestrian lane. When approaching an intersection, motorists slow down and stop for the sake of pedestrians crossing or about to cross. BUT PEDESTRIANS MUST RESPECT THEIR OWN VULNERABILITY.
Don't Court Danger. Don't be a jaywalker. A jaywalker darts between cars, takes short cuts and risks his own life and those of others.
WINDOW SHOPPING is a wonderful pastime. However, as you browse from window to window, be aware that other people on the sidewalk do not have the kind of time that you have.
LET THEM PASS. Be mindful of what you are doing and where you are going so they don't bump into you or you into them.
DON'T BLOW YOUR HORN UNNECESSARILY, and don't blow your horn when you
know it's useless to do so.
The Mall is ALL
The mall is all the church (or temple), park, and marketplace used to be. This is where everyone goes to do everything - shop, eat, browse, people-watch, kill time, meet friends, play video games,
keep a rendezvous.
YOU CANNOT AVOID PEOPLE IN A MALL. This is where space, because it is so publicly shared, is important to each and every private individual. You don't want others intruding into your space, any more than they want you in theirs. In short, let's all have some mall manners.
- Don't hold up the queue.
- DOn't crowd; it's crowded enough as it is.
- DOn't be rowdy if you're a group.
- Don't be a bully in the parking lot.
- If you're waiting for the elevator, let the people inside get out first before you rush in.
In the elevator, if you have to talk, keep voices low. Better still, wait to get off before you begin your conversation.
Make way for others in the corridors, hallways, escalators, stairs.
Don't obstruct traffic. Don't sit on the stairs. Don't block exits and entrances.
Throw litter int he trash can. Use the toilet as if it were your own.
RESPECT THE RIGHT OF OTHERS TO ENJOY THEMSELVES AND HAVE
A GOOD TIME.
Ladies and Gentlemen!
Introductions are a killer if you depend on complicated, old-fashioned rules of who to introduce to whom. The most simple rule to remember is
THE WOMAN'S NAME IS MENTIONED FIRST.
For example: "Lydia, I'd like you to meet David." Or, "Lydia, this is David." Once you know this rule by heart, it will be easy for you to remember that the name of the older and more important person is mentioned first.
"Sister Agnes, this is my cousin Bobby." And, "Your Excellency, may i present to you my wife, Jane."
- A gentleman stands up to meet a lady, whether she is older or younger.
- A lady does not have to stand up to be introduced to a man unless he is older or enjoys a higher rank. She does not have to stand up for a younger person or someone her age.
- A gentleman waits for a lady to offer her hand for a handshake.
A woman wants to be treated like a lady even if she is an advocate of women's lib, women's rights, and equality of the sexes. Deep down in her heart, she still wants a man to open the door for her, pull a chair for her, pay for dinner.
A man who treats her like a lady has everything to gain, especially a good reputation.
Ladies first, as they always say. the lady is first to walk through an open door, to sit, to order a drink or food int he restaurant.
There is one exception tot his rule. She does not precede the gentleman when they are going down the stairs or an escalator. The man goes ahead. Once they arrived at the landing, the gentleman gently takes her by the elbow and guides her to where they have to go.
On the sidewalk, the gentleman walks on the side near the street. In the theater, the lady, if she is escorted by a gentleman, does not take an aisle seat. That's for her escort.
WHEN THEY ARE CROSSING THE STREET, THE GENTLEMAN GOES TO THE SIDE WHERE THE CARS ARE COMING FROM.
TABOO
Gentleman and ladies don't give each other intimate gifts of a personal nature unless they are lovers, engaged to be married, or married to each other.
DON'T GIVE UNDERWEAR, expensive jewelry, anything that could be misconducted. For example, why give him deodorant unless you're trying to say he has B.O. (body odor)?
When a man and woman are out on a date in a restaurant, she does not tell the waiter her order. She tells it to her escort, who will tell the waiter. The gentleman saves the day by asking her before she has a chance to collar the waiter. What would you like to have? the gentleman asks the lady.
Lesson: Lady, wait for your date to ask. If the waiter has not been properly trained and he asks you instead of him, pretend you're still trying to make up your mind. Read the menu or turn to your date and give him the cue, "SHOULD WE GO FOR THE BLUE MARLIN OR THE LOBSTER
THERMIDOR?"
WHO PAYS???
It's an Oriental tradition that the gentleman pays. But the lady should understand and offer to pay if:
- he is younger
- he is earning less
- it's a Dutch treat and everybody pays for his and her own food and drinks.
Q & A
Q. Should a woman invite a man to have luch or dinner with her?
A. Of course. This is the 90's, remember?
Q. How should she go about it?
A. Naturally, simply and sincerely. She should state her intention clearly, taking care not to come on too strong and eager. A professional reason is one of the least complicated ways to invite a man. For example, to go over the terms of her insurance policy with the manager or CEO who had convinced her to buy a policy in the first place; to discuss securities and investments with her banker; to acquire background information on a sensitive issue from a news source if she is a journalist.
Q. Who should pay?
A. The one who did the inviting. Nonetheless, most men won't let the women
pay. But if he lets you pay for his lunch, don't blame him.
Because you do not call attention by sticking out like a sore thumb. By being under dressed, you can blend into the woodwork and hope that there are other who are similarly under dressed.
TO DRESS DOWN DOES NOT MEAN BEING SHABBY.
The truly stylish who dress down occasionally have learned a few basic rules by heart.
CLOTHES ARE IMMACULATELY CLEAN AND CLEANLY, SIMPLY CUT.
Simple is not plain or boring. Underplay colors by using noncolors - black, white, beige, tan, navy.
Use little or no jewelry.
NIGHTIME DRESSING, when the sun has gone down and people are in a playful, after-work mood, allows men and womenleeway in the choice of CLOTHING, STYLES, COLORS, ACCESSORIES, JEWELRY.
When daylight has faded and evening shadows move among the light cast by moon and stars, candles, black, are appropriate. So is a bit more daring ind ressing, makeup or grooming, and jewelry.
NIGHT IS THE TIME FOR PARTIES, the theater, a romantic dinner set in the midst of crystal and silver. This is the time to break the rules for dressing by day.
- By day wear cotton or linen. By night, wear silk or satin.
- By day wear simple gold jewelry, pearls, a classic watch.
- By night, have fun and go funky, let your hair down. Go with the glow of colored stones if that is your caprice.
- Daytime, alight perfume or cologne is preferable to a musky, seductive scent.
- By day, wear an easy hairstyle, easy to comb.
- Wear all the black you want at night. Elsa
- Klensch of CNN says wear black not to play but to cut a dramatic figure.
Standing Before the Mirror
- Sexy clothes are for sexy people to be worn to sexy places.
- You can wear black shoes with almosy aything but you can't wear white shoes with black stockings or socks.
- If you have to wear shoes, they must be clean and shined, in good condition for walking. Do not stand out in them because they'r dirty, grimy, and ready to fall apart. Ugly shoes are a sign of lack of manners and self-esteem.
- Clip nose hairs!
- Clip ear hairs.
- Snip away (do not yank) loose threads in your suits, shirts, pants.
- Polish shoes that need to be polished, wash shoes that need to be washed. Brush suede - not wax!
- Keep your fingernails short and clean. Avoid that pink stuff they spread on parlor, it only makes you look like a vain, dirty old man.
- Cut your toenails, straight across.
- If you insist onw earing an earring, choose something small and subtle. Don't go for the Pirate of the seven Seas look by wearing those awful gold hoops you could put a circus animal through.
- Always check the limbs coming out of your suit.
- Keep everything on your chest (TIE, JEWELRY, SHIRT) Free of stains and as wrinkle free as possible.
- Short wash-and-wear hair is fine and can definitely be SEXY. If you've got long hair, tie it neatly into a no-nonsense ponyail at the back. If it's not long enough, gel back smoothly and show your ears.
- Can we allg et together and pledge a total ban on long, heavy gold chains proudly displayed through an open-till-the-belly-button shirt?
- Shopping for a cologne? Bring your girlfriend, wife or special someone along. After all, she'll be smelling you (and hopefully only you) the most. If she likes it and you like it, the salesgirl can say "SOLD!"
- DO something about your armpit hair! Shaving, they say, leaves armpits dark while plucking may cause infection. Hair remover doesn't get it all out and waxing is as painful as ripping your skin off. So which method do you prefer? ......CHOOSE AND ACT!
- If you're one to shave your legs, please spare your boyfriend or husband the - yuck! - agony of brushing unprotected parts of his body against something that feels like a cheese grater. Not shaving regularly is about as attractive as braiding you nose hair.
- NEVER remove your shoes in public, much less rub your toes and ankles together while you're at it. If you think your toes are pretty enough to be edible, admire them in the privacy of your home.
- Water-proof makeup in a tropical climate prevents smudging caused by sweat.
- Keep your hair neat and tidy, and please, keep it out of other people's faces but don't brush it in public.
- Fragrance is whatever form of cologne, eau de toilette, lotion, perfume should be subtle and mysterious. Not overwhelming and sneeze-inducing.
No, NO, NO, GUYS!!
Men dress more simply than women, which does not mean that they have an easier time remembering a few basic rules, starting with the
NO-NO's: - A short-sleeved shirt or T-shirt under a blazer or coat that's part of a suit. NO!
What goes under a jacket? a shirt with long sleeves, in white or a pale color, plain or in the thinnest stripes. YES!
- Loud colors on pants. NO! unless worn by clowns, comedians and entertainers following a script. Loud colors are perfectly all right for beachwear, casual tops, and other leisure wear.
- Heavy jewelry encrusted with stones. NO!
- Sockless in leather and patent shoes. NO! if you must go sans socks, wear sandals.
- Printed shirts in loud colors and in silk (synthetic or otherwise). NO! except at night.
- Jens, shorts, rubber shoes, sneakers, sleeveless shirts, collarless shirts for going to a party. NO!
You will be breaking the dess code and your host's/hostess' heart.
- Necktie paired with a patterned or printed shirt. NO!
- Necktie paired with a crumpled shirt. NO!
- Necktie with shortsleeve shirt. NO!
- Necktie with jeans and casual slacks. NO!
Stay Sexy, Guys!
Jeans are sexy with shirt tucked in if you have a tight butt to show.
Keep two neckties, one for a power lunch, one for dating.
The best colors for socks, and you need only two colors, are black (for your black shoes) and
white (for rubber shoes, tennis shoes, etc..).
Socks must stay high enough above the ankles to cover your legs when you cross them.
White handkerchiefs are better than colored ones.
Embroidered monograms were not designed to be conspicuous.
Wear dark suits at night, for formal occasions, and in winter.
If you can have only one blazer, have it in a navy blue.
Minors should not smoke. No one should see them tobacco products.
Smokers should respectt the fact that some nonsmokers simply do not want to be near secondhand smoke.
Smokers can ask before they light up, "May I?" It's as simple
as that.
Nonsmokers can show smokers that they recognize that there's a place for them to enjoy a cigarette in a seperate, designated smoking area.
Put everyone, including yourself, at ease by not trying to be someone you're not.
It helps if you're not properly attired and groomed. If you're going to a disco, the dress code in most discos and dance clubs is semi-formal, though this term is used loosely. Another way to describe it is casual chic.
GUYS. Wear a shirt with a collar, whether it's short or long-sleeved. Slacks are better than jeans.
No-no's include sneakers, rubber shoes, and sandals. The way to go is comfortable dress shoes. Leave the baseball cap in the baseball field, please.
GIRLS. It's simpler to say what not to wear. No rubber shoes, no shorts, no T-shirts. Do wear whatever is in style, as long as you can get away with it, in it, anything from the little black dress to jeans and a tank top. Flat shoes or pumps with ine-inch heels are okay for dancing. Unless you're a real expert, stilettos could hurt you, and not only your feet.
Your secret weapon: Use a good deodorant or anti-perspirant. But avoid strong perfumes.
You'll probably see a lot of people you know.
Don't leave your date alone when you socialize.
Introduce him/her to them, but don't spend more time with them than your date.
On the dance floor, don't take upt oo much room. If you don't dance too well, keep your steps simple.
If you're an expert, don't be too eager to show off. Try not to keep looking on other people.
While dancing, restrain the urge to strike up conversation. This isn't the time to share your thoughts about life.
Avoid marathon dancing to he point of exhaustion,or getting your clothes soaked in sweat while you try to catch your breathe.
After two or three numbers, you should be ready to take a break. Don't be embarassed to say you're tired.
A disco is a perfect place for a first date because conversation is light. When you can't think of anything more to say, you can always get back on the dance floor!
TABLE MATTERS!
A table setting includes plates, glasses, spoons, forks and knives, napkins.
DO NOT BE INTIMIDATED BY ALL THAT DISPLAY OF CHINA, silver and crystal. Keep in mind that your host or the caterer has arranged the tableware according to the food that will be served. As each course arrives on the table, use the utensils in order of their position - start witht he outermost ones, from left side and right side, moving in toward the plate.
No matter how complicated the setting may appear at first glance, know that there won't be more than four pieces of any group at any one time - no more than four glasses, no more than four knives - besides which, as the dinner progresses, the waiter will be taking away used utensils, course after course.
On the right, knives are placed witht he blade facing the plate. The dessert fork on top of the plate has its handle pointing left because the fork is held with the left hand. The dessert spoon, also on top of
the plate, has its handle pointing right because the spoon is held with the right hand.
Napkin is found on the left or at the center of the big plate.
Glasses on the right. Knives and spoon on the right. Forks on the left Dessert fork and spoon above dinner plate. Use outermost utensils first, going in toward plate.
Some DO's and DON'Ts
Pick up the napkin with your left hand when you see your host doing so. Unfold and place it gently on your lap If you find that one of your utensils is for some reason, not well-polished or has some leftover food particle clinging to it, simply ask your waiter to replace it instead of trying to wipe it clean with your napkin.
If you don't know what you're eating, don't be too shy to ask. You are not expected to know everything.
If you don't like what you are eating, don't be too shy to spit it out but do it inconspicuously
.
As much as possible, keep your plate neat and tidy and try not to leave food on your plate.
Do not eat from your neighbor's plate. If you want to try his food, ask for a small piece and put it on your plate for a spare one.
Some food items are eaten with your fingers, for which you will be given a finger bowl: crabs, steamed shrimps with shell on, artichokes (with leaves), oysters, mussels, frog's leg, asparagus
(with branches), quail, pigeon, spareribs, fried chciken.
Dip your fingertips in the finger bowls, but it is still best to simply excuse yourself and wash your hands in the restroom.
DO NOT BURP! If you just did, say "Excuse me."
DO NOT FART! Excuse yourself from the table and do it elsewhere!
Excuse yourself if you have to leave the table.
Ask permission before you smoke!
Although it is permissible these days to use a toothpick, cover your mouth with your hand when you do. Never pick your teeth with your fingers in public. Go to the restroom to do this privately.
Do no floss in public!
