Friday, October 30, 2009

Facts about November

Traditions including All Saints Day and All Souls Day

The name comes from the Roman word 'novem' meaning nine, because it was the ninth month in their Roman calendar.

Few people find November pleasant. The Anglo-Saxons called November 'Wind monath', because it was the time when the cold winds began to blow. They also called it 'Blod monath', because it was the time when carnival charactercattle were slaughtered for winter food. The poet T.S. Elliot called it 'Sombre November'. Sir Walter Scott, in his long poem Marmion, wrote in 1808:

               November's sky is chill and drear,

               November's leaf is red and sear (withered)'

The first week of November has always been a time of festivals and celebrations marking the end of the harvest and beginning of Winter

All Saints' Day - 1 November

In the year 835 AD the Roman Catholic Church made 1st November a church holiday to honour all the saints. This feast day is called All Saints' Day.

All Hallows

All Saints' Day used to be known as All Hallows (Hallow being an old word meaning Saint or Holy Person). The feast day actually started the previous evening, the Eve of All Hallows or Hallowe'en.

Christians remember all the saints

On Saints' Day, Christians remember all 'men of good will' (saints), great ones and forgotten ones, who have died through the ages.

Saints are men and women from all ages and all walks of life, who were outstanding Christians. Some - the martyrs - died for their faith. All of them are honoured by the church.


All Saints' Day, together with All Souls' Day are know collectively as Hallowtide.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Selective Hearing

What a woman says:
This place is a mess! C'mon,
you and I need to clean up.
Your stuff is lying on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear
if we don't do laundry right now!

What a man hears:
blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON
YOU AND I blah, blah, blah
blah, blah ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES, blah
blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW!

Sunday, October 25, 2009


I Believe

I believe-
That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I believe-
That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a
while and, you must forgive them for that.

I believe-
That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.

I believe-
That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I believe-
That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.


I believe-
That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them

I believe-
That you can keep going long after you can't.

I believe-
That we are responsible for what  we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe-
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe-
That regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there
had better be something else to take its place.

I believe-
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.

I believe-
That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe-
That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time!

I believe-
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I believe-
That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I believe-
That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I believe-
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've
learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I believe-
That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe-
That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I believe-
That our background and circumstances may have influenced
who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe-
That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other,  And just
because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I believe-
That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I believe-
That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I believe-
That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I believe-
That even when you think you have no more to give, when a 
friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

I believe-
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I believe-
That the people you care about most in life are the essence of life.
Tell them today how much you love them and what they mean to you.


Friday, October 23, 2009

God's Conversation With Eve

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!"

"What's the problem, Eve?"

"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?", comes the reply from above.

"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

"What's a 'man,' Lord?"

"This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all he'll give you a hard time. But he'll be bigger and faster and more muscular than you, he'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, well. He's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But you can have him on one condition."

"What's that, Lord?"

"You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Men's Translation Guide For Women

"I'm going fishing."

Really means...

"I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"It's a guy thing."

Really means....

"There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"

Really means....

"Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."

Really means....

Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"It would take too long to explain."

Really means...

"I have no idea how it works."

"I'm getting more exercise lately."

Really means....

"The batteries in the remote are dead."

"We're going to be late."

Really means....

"Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."

Really means....

"I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."

Really means....

"I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear."

Really means....

"Are you still talking?"

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."

Really means....

"I forgot our anniversary again."

"You expect too much of me."

Really means....

"You want me to stay awake."

"It's a really good movie."

Really means....

"It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and Heather Locklear."

"That's women's work."

Really means....

"It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."

"Will you marry me?"

Really means....

"Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."

"You know how bad my memory is."

Really means....

"I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."

Really means....

"The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."

Really means....

"I have severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

"I do help around the house."

Really means....

"I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."

"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."

Really means....

"I sure hope I think of some reasons pretty soon."

"I can't find it."

Really means....

"It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"What did I do this time?"

Really means....

"What did you catch me doing?"

"She's one of those rabid feminists."

Really means....

"She refused to make my coffee."

"I heard you."

Really means....

"I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

"You know I could never love anyone else."

Really means....

"I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"You look terrific."

Really means....

"Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I brought you a present."

Really means....

"It was free ice scraper night at the ball game."

"I missed you."

Really means....

"I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."

Really means....

"I'm lost. I have no idea where we are, and no one will ever see us alive again."

"We share the housework."

Really means....

"I make the messes, you clean them up."

"This relationship is getting too serious."

Really means....

"You're cutting into the time I spend with my truck."

"I don't need to read the instructions."

Really means....

"I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."

"I'll fix the garbage disposal later."

Really means....

"If I wait long enough you'll get frustrated and buy a new one."

"I broke up with her."

Really means....

"She dumped me."

Sunday, October 18, 2009

If Women Ran The World...

A man would no longer be considered a "good catch" simply because he is breathing.

Medical research money would be spent on developing new birth control methods for men.

Women with cold hands would give men prostate exams.

Baby-sitting, doing dishes and making beds would be considered "Macho".

The hem of men's pants would go up or down depending on the economy.

Men would be forced to purchase overpriced clothes every season.

Minnie Mouse would get equal billing with Mickey.

Fewer women would be dieting because the ideal weight standard would increase by 40 pounds.

Overweight men would be encouraged to wear girdles.

PMS would be a legitimate defense in court.

Men would come with papers showing their true identity, marital and employment status, if they live with their mother, and whether they have had their shots.

Shopping would be considered an aerobic activity.

Men would get reputations for sleeping around.

"Ms. Magazine" would have an annual swimsuit issue featuring scantily clad male models.

Men who designed women's shoes would be forced to wear them.

Men would not be allowed to eat gas-producing foods within two hours of bedtime.

Men would be as attentive AFTER marriage as they were before.

Men would be secretaries for female bosses, working twice as hard for none of the credit.

Little girls would read "Snow White and the Seven Hunks".

Men would earn 70 cents for every dollar women make.

Men would bring drinks, chips and dip to women watching soap operas.

Men would HAVE to get Playboy for the articles, because there would be no pictures.

Men would learn phrases like: I'm sorry, I love you, You're beautiful, Of course you don't look fat in that outfit, Go to sleep-I'll take care of the baby, etc.

Men would be judged entirely by their looks, women by their accomplishments.

Men would sit around and wonder what WE are thinking.

Men would pay as much attention to their women as their cars.

All toilet seats would be nailed down.

Men would work on relationships as much as they work on their careers.

TV news segments on sports would never run longer than one minute.

All men would be forced to spend one month in a PMS simulator.

Men would have their wedding rings permanently attached so they can't pretend to be single.

During mid-life crisis, men would get hot-flashes and women would date 19 year old boys.

Overweight men would have their weight brought to their attention constantly.

After a baby is born, men would take a six-week paternity leave to wait on their wives hand and foot.

For basic training, soldiers would have to take care of a two-year old for six weeks.

A female employee would be noticed for her work performance, not her bra size.

Singles bars would have metal detectors to weed out men hiding wedding rings in their pockets.

Thursday, October 15, 2009


* Maternity leave would last for two years...with full pay.

* There'd be a cure for stretch marks

* Natural childbirth would become obsolete

* Morning sickness would rank as the nation's number one health problem

* All methods of birth control would be improved 100 percent effectiveness

* Children would be kept in the hospital until they were toilet trained

* Men would be EAGER to talk about commitment

* They wouldn't think twins were quite so cute

* Fathers would demand that their SONS be home from dates by 10:00pm

* Men could use THEIR briefcases as diaper bags

* They'd have to stop saying,"I'm afraid I'll drop him."

* Paternity suits would be a line of clothes

* They'd stay in bed for the entire nine months

* Menus at most restaurants would list ice cream and pickles as an entree

* Women would rule the world!

Monday, October 12, 2009


A businessman is aggressive; a businesswoman is pushy.

A businessman is good on details; she is picky.

He loses his temper because he's so involved in his job; she is bitchy.

When he is depressed (or hung-over), everyone tiptoes past his office; she is moody, so it must be her time of the month.

He follows through; she doesn't know when to quit.

He's confident; she's conceited.

He stands firm; she's impossible to deal with.

He is firm; she is hard.

His judgments are her prejudices.

He drinks because of the excessive job pressure; she's a lush.

He isn't afraid to say what he thinks; she's mouthy.

He's close-mouthed; she's secretive.

He climbed the ladder to success; she slept her way to the top.

He is a stern taskmaster; she's hard to work for.

He is witty; she is sarcastic.

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